My favorite former French teacher once tried to tell me that the notion of the French romantic culture was just a big stereotype. But having been here for a few months, I’d say that the culture surrounding love and romance, while not necessarily what we think of it, is a much more prevalent part of French society than American society. Can I prove this using linguistic evidence you ask? Oui. Without further ado, linguistic insights into French romantic culture.
Do you like me or do you love me?
If you type “I like you” into an online English/French translator the answer comes up as “Je t’aime.” If you type “I love you” the answer comes up as “Je t’aime.” If you are as astute as I am, you’ll notice that “Je t’aime” and “Je t’aime” are exactly the same phrase. What?! How will the ghost of Charles de Gaulle know whether I’m just saying “Hey, I think you’re cool. Let’s be friends,” or that I’m secretly covering notebooks in “Mme Charles de Gaulle” with hearts all over every page?
I cleared this issue up long ago, not by looking in a good dictionary, which would have been far too easy, but rather when I happened upon a french guy at a party in Chicago. He said that “Je t’aime” is a very serious thing to say. If you want to tell someone you like them you have to add a “bien” onto the phrase. I don’t know how this distinction came about, but it seems like it would be very useful in that awkward moment where you tell your sweetheart you love him/her and he/she suddenly has an affinity for long distance running. With the “bien” you have ample time to save yourself.
Person 1: “Je t’aime”
Person 2: (Deer in headlights face)
Person 1: “bien”
Person 2: (Relieved) Je t’aime bien aussi.
Thank goodness the French have come up with a way to avoid that embarrassment! There’s no undoing the good ol’ English “I love you.” You are stuck with those words. That cat does not go back into the bag.
How much do you love me?
Also linguistically interesting regarding the culture of love in France (I’m so happy to finally be using my Anthro degree) is how the French strengthen the sentiment. In English we would say something like “I love you so much” or “I love you more than anything.” I’m sure similar phrases exist in French, but the one that surprised me is “J’aime que toi,” meaning “I love only you,” which my current French teacher said is a much much stronger way to say “I love you.” But for me that phrase seems to beg the question of to whom else the speaker was saying “I love you” before. Am I being too sensitive?
I’m guessing there’s a reason this phrase came into existence and I have a theory, though it should be noted it is unsupported by any real research or facts. After watching tons of random French films in an effort to improve my listening skills, I noticed that the theme of mistresses and extra-marital lovers is very prevalent. If art reflects life, then it would seem like that theme is one that is prevalent in real life French culture, so saying you love only one person is an important distinction.
Am I in love?
It catches me off guard every time. Tu es amoureux? “Are you in love?” If you get into a conversation about someone you’re smitten with, and I have at least two other girlfriends who have confirmed this, French people are quick to ask completely deadpan if you’re in love with that person. It comes out in the same tone as any boring question. Are you going out tonight? Cool. Are you in love? Nice. It doesn’t have to be someone you know particularly well either. This would never happen in the US. Well maybe it would, but I think there would be some drama or goofiness attached to the question and it would probably only be asked by friends that you would brunch with. I guess they are just more open about l’amour here, but I am still working up the courage to tell France how I feel. However, if you want to know, just look at the goofy URL for this site. 
Tu es amoureux?
Comment by jamieott — December 5, 2010 @ 9:41 pm